i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
