So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
