$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
