I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
