We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
nutella sex= disaster
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
