nut hugger
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
