ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize