I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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