tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
