: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
