Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
