You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
