whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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