Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
