I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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