i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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