I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
