I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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