I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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