her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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