You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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