I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
