went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
