im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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