im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
