I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
