I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I forget how to act sober
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
