Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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