I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
