This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
