Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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