we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize