somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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