Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
