she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
