I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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