hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
