You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
