dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
