I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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