and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
