I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The best revenge is premature balding
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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