We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
