hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
