I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
