Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
