i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ttyl tear gas
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
