I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
