i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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