Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
