I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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