RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
