Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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