Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
