im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
