so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
