then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
