she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
